Just had to release.

It's been over a year and I don't think that I have fully recovered over my husband cheating on me. I think it's the fact that he had two months of "freedom" while I moved up to Ohio with his parents with my 9 month old at the time and another one on the way. He said that he wanted to save on rent and that he would move in with a roommate or live at the barracks. So in the freezing snow I went along with his plan and pack me and my baby up and we all drove up to Ohio. The plan was for me to keep the truck while up there and for him to take a bus back and use our other car that was still at home. Well it was snowing so much that he ended up driving the truck back because he was afraid he would not make it back in time because of all of the snow. So there I am with a baby and pregnant, living with my in laws in the cold. I'm from Miami and I hate the cold. He was supposed to be sending me money every two weeks. Just $100, I just wanted enough to buy the necessities. Remind you we were trying to save money. Well that $100 slowly decreased to $80 and then $60. What was I supposed to do? I started to tell him that I was ready to come home and that I hated it there. All I did all day was sit in the living room and play with my daughter and watched TV. I couldn't go anywhere because he had my truck. So I was stuck looking at the same four walls all day everyday. He told me that he was going to have to be working weekends and that he didn't know when he would be able to come get me. I asked for him to just send me enough money so that I could catch a bus back home but for him that was out of the question. He didn't want his wife and child taking a bus because it was too dangerous, Understandable, he was watching out for our well being right? So i played the waiting game missing home and my husband. Soon after he started to call less and when he did call he seemed bother and preoccupied. He stopped answering my calls and sending it straight to voice mail saying that his phone died. I knew something was wrong. Sometimes he would even forget to send money for a few days at a time. Finally after having a conversation with him one night I told him that I knew something was not right. He told me that he met someone at the gym and that they went on one date to the movies and all he did was hug her. OK I can handle that, I'm a big girl. I thanked him for telling me the truth and being up front about it and that we should work from there. The next day he told me that he had lied and that they did kiss. Then it was they kissed and did more than that. WTF!. Why didn't he tell me the truth from the beginning? I might have been able to take the news better and been more willing to work it out. I love this man with all my heard and I was willing to do what ever it took to make our marriage a happy and successful one. As the days went on more and more of the real truth started to come out. He told me that he had been sleeping with her for a while and that he didn't know what he wanted. He even told me that he thought he might be in love with her. I was so crushed. I wanted to curse him out so bad but I'm mature and I figure that the fighting was probably only going to drive us farther apart. Finally after one night of talking with him I just couldn't take it anymore. He told me that he thought that I didn't care about him. I blew up! Screaming and cursing was all I could think to do. How dare he say that after what I was willing to put myself through for him. I was trying to work past this and he had the nerve to say that I didn't care or that I didnt love him! On top of that, I had to go through this right in front of his parents. I was pregnant and loosing so much weight because of the stress. my clothes were hanging off of me and I was even loosing my hair. Part of which because I started to pull it out myself because I needed some other type of pain to focus on. You can recover from physical pain far more easily than emotional pain. Finally after two months he comes to get me still not sure if he even wants to be with me anymore. The ride home was very awkward but we were trying to be adults about it. when we got home we both wrote list about things that the other did that bugged us. He confessed to being a compulsive liar and that he didn't know why he did it. we got to the bottom line as to why he cheated and it was that I didn't have sex with him as much or as he tells it " I didn't pay attention to him and he needed to feel needed". Now I know that my having a problem with his weight was the reason for me not wanting to have sex with him from time to time but we had talked about that and if he felt that he wanted to cheat then he should have come to me first instead of shipping me off to Ohio so that he could be "single" again. So here's the kick in the head, he told me that he had put his name on her lease, after he help her move, so that she could have a better chance at getting the apartment she wanted. When he told me this he was takeing a shower and I just walked out of the bathroom. I dint know what to say or do because I was so angry. He got out of the shower and was about to get ready to go to work. I tried to walk passed him in the hall and he stopped me and hugged me laying his head on my shoulder saying how sorry he was. I asked him to let me go twice and he wouldn't. So for the first time in my life I put my hands on a man. I just kept slapping him and smacking him in the head then I pushed him up against the wall and told him to get dressed. I have never hit a man and I don't condone it but it was my first reaction. I don't know what it was about this girl but she had him acting a complete fool. He even lent her our 42 inch flat screen for her to use in her new apartment he helped her get. And more lies, he told me that her told her about me and our daughter and the fact that I was pregnant then later told me that he didn't tell her. What the hell is he keeping secrets from her? Why should he care about her feelings? So when he finally did tell her and got our TV back, she went to his command ( he's in the military) and told them all about it and that she had defaulted on her rent so the complex was sewing her and since his name was on the lease he needed to pay. Now if you don't know anything about the military, they can demote you and take pay and anything else they can come up with for adultery and unlawful co-habitation. Which they did and we are still suffering to this day because of it. Cut to present day and we are still together and I never bring the situation up to him in order to throw it in his face. I never saw the point in that no matter how much I've been wanting to. We are still working on trying to be happy because we really do truly love each other but I'm still very bothered by all of this. For the last 7 months he has been deployed to Afghanistan and I've been asking him to take the mistresses sister off of his face book as a friend because I feel like he keeps her there as a link to the other woman. He hasn't done it yet and says that he tries but its not working. Plus he has accused me of possibly cheating while he has been away because I told him that I thought about getting revenge but that's not how I work and it would not have done any good anyway. We just would have been even more messed up. Besides that's how his last marriage ended, because one cheating because the other cheated and they just couldn't get through it. I love him so much but I cant help to think to my self " what about my 2 month break? don't I deserve time to myself?" Sometimes I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous break down. I'm usually an easy going woman but lately everything aggitates me and I just want to blow up at everyone. I feel myself starting to become this angry person that I do not want to be. My husband comes home very soon and I cant wait but I still wounder how things are going to be after being apart for so long and having all of this time to think about what he has done to me. I'm just so tired. That's all I can say.